I have returned from the future, 2018, and bring a message from John Connor: “Send more helicopters.”
As an angry fan of the now canceled Sarah Connor Chronicles I’d like to point to the many plot holes and inconsistencies of the latest Terminator film. However there are none, as this film is completely lacking of anything in the story department and serves less as a movie and more as an advertisement for the surplus military goods sector.
Sure it’s a great action movie, sure a lot of stuff blows up, sure the gals will love Christian Bale and Mr. Fancypants McDownunder who keeps slipping into his Australian accent throughout the entire movie. While I greatly enjoyed watching a sub full of pricks lead by Michael Ironside, aka Jester, getting the “shit” blown out of ‘em when they turn on their idiotic homing beacon, I greatly lament the fact that no one recognizes the “Governator” when he turns up as a freshly minted T-800 near the end of the film. Sure it may have been a well conceived play by Skynet to send robots into the past to infiltrate the government but I strongly suspect it was more the result of it’s love of Arnie’s ‘roid fueled 70s classic “Pumping Iron”.
However the worst thing about this movie is that things weren’t bad enough. Sure we are treated to a 30 minute desert car chase sequence ala Mad Max but does the resistance really have enough assets to afford wrecking half a dozen helicopters, several A-10s and one dubiously constructed submarine? Hell no. In the real future John Connor and friends are living in the sewers like a bunch of rats or Ninja Turtles. If Skynet was truly smart it would have nuked every last weapons depot on Judgment Day. Besides if anything were left behind where do you expect to find a bunch of stick and rudder jockeys in 2018 who can manhandle a UH-1 or A-10?
Regardless I’m still willing to give the movie a B+ rating for action as it does fulfill my inner child’s desire to “blow shit up”. However I do so on one condition which is that John D. Brancato or Michael Ferris never again be allowed to write the script of any Terminator franchise movies. These are the two chuckle heads who’ve brought you both the forgettable Terminator 3 and the latest irreverent bitch slap of entertainment and practical time travel I’ve ever seen.
We are the resistance, the resistance against stupid Hollywood turds like this one. I’m a pissed off fan, and that is all.
