Listen, it's one thing to defend your kids when they are preteens and your philandering husband can't keep his hands off the interns. But geez, give us a break Hillary! Chelsea is 27 years old and completely capable of pimping her self out on her own terms. If someone in the media wants to call it like they see it then fair on 'em. Truth be told any twenty something person should be well aware of the risks involved with going public either in favor of something or against it. It doesn't take a degree from Stanford to know that exposing one's self in the public eye tends to draw harsh criticisms. It doesn't matter if your on the campaign trail for mom or posting your half naked photos on MySpace, in all honesty someone is either going to be offended, pissed off or just have grudge to bear when they call you out.

But don't for a minute think that I'm defending the swollen faced, insensitive, loud mouth jerks (and jerkettes) who haunt cable news channels from the wee hours of the morning until all of the bars close at night. You people have long bothered me with your psudeo news and op-ed pieces on how America is going down the toilet. Yes it's true that the United States is the greatest place on earth and the fact that millions of immigrants want to come here to share a piece of that dream while scrubbing our toilets, mowing our yards and picking up the roadside trash that you carelessly let drift from your oversized vehicle only solidifies the fact.

The strangest thing though is that in spite of their differences politicans and loud mouth cable news personalities have one thing in common: they are both worried about our children. Whether it's the threat of crystal meth, unsafe toys from China, or a grand conspiracy by the South American populace to kidnap people from cruise ships no one is more concerned than the folks on TV. And after all why shouldn't they be? If they stopped scaring us why would we continue to listen to them.

If you asked me politicians and TV personalities alike should stop worrying about my kids and start worrying about the real threat: Uninformed sales persons everywhere. Why you ask? Because right now there are hundreds of one semester of college dropouts working at places like Circuit City who have no idea of the difference between component and composite video. They'll just sell you the most expensive TV imaginable and the "ultra gold plated" cables to go with fully expecting that you'll intuitively know how to work the thirteen different remotes that are requires to watch TV. Given the current advances in computer operating systems and user friendly interfaces which allow intoxicated monkeys to play Stairway to Heaven flawlessly on Guitar Hero I fully expect that within a few short years every man woman and child will regard TV as that "old thing" that grandma and grandpa watch because they don't know how to use a WII controller.

It's hell getting old, especially when your the face on the idiot box that seniors scream obscenities at while waiting for Social Security checks that will never arrive. In all honesty it won't surprise me if the 44th President of the United States is a 47th level Draenei Priest with a Cisco CCNA certification and a blackbelt in Chuck Norris jokes.

Done and glad it's over

For a few months I've had a lingering oil leak on the Passat. For a while I lived with the problem, occasionally adding oil and cleaning off the little bit that would drop on the driveway. As I've always heard, and somewhat experienced, it's far easier to deal with a slight oil leak this way than to try to fix it. Oil leaks can come from anywhere and as long as it doesn't adversely affect the car your OK.

That was the case until about six weeks ago when the car began to smoke after a short drive. Again at first it was nothing more than an annoying bit of smoke at a stoplight and a slight burning oil smell when the vents were open. A week before Christmas I decided that I'd had enough and ordered replacement parts for the valve cover gasket. My dad and me replaced the gaskets a few days later and everything was fine, for a while.

Of course, as is the habit of Volkswagens, suddenly the silver beast decided to throw me a curve ball. One cold morning I noticed quite a bit more smoke than usual and could even see the smoke coming from the vents. At the time I was most worried about the oil possibly catching fire, and rightly so. Once I pulled into the parking lot at work I popped the hood and took look. There was no fire only a cloud foul smelling smoke. Shortly thereafter I noticed the large puddle of oil on the ground and my heart sank. I checked the engine oil level and determined that I had at least enough to get home but I'd definitely need to fill 'er up before driving any further.

What's my disaster recovery plan?

Here's the Ron White heightened state of awareness system. It only has two heightened states of awareness. Go find a helmet. Put on the damn helmet.

Simplicity.. I'm also a fan of positive thinking:

I believe that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Then find someone whose life gives them vodka and have a party.